"We drive
to leave the past and clear the mind
to watch the sunset set it's time"


Things went better than I expected... but worse at the same time.

I came clean. My mom reacted better than I thought she would. She did cry a little, but just a little. She didn't really get mad. But unfortunately she really couldn't guide me. She said that if I lacked motivation/drive to go to school for myself then I should do have it for her. I always thought it was funny how most people told me that my mom would understand and would tell me "to go live my own life". I thought it was really funny, actually. I love my mom, and she's a WONDERFUL person, but I know her better than alot of other people. I know she can be a bit self concerned at times. But you get cancer and you start worry, I guess. So, I explained that if she wanted me to live for her I could and would do it, but it it wouldn't be college. I'd find a job that payed well and that I could slowly make more and more money, that way to relieve some of the stress she has now and hopefully in the future have enough to take care of her. This bothered her, I could tell. Then she stopped and asked me "Is she fully out of your system? Out of your thoughts? Out of your life?" I stumbled at this question. I know she noticed. After a small pause that would normally go unnoticed, I responded, "Not fully. I can't. Not while I'm here. That's one of the reasons I want out." She asked me to where. I responded with either North Carolina or California. I mentioned how if I went to California I would have people to go to in case of anything. She mentioned how that could be a plus but also a downside. She said she preffered North Caroilna. That way I could really learn to make it on my own. To really just be me without anyone or anything else.

So that's where we're at, right now. We'll see how it goes down...
I know this isn't over. It's far from over. I've just opened the doors to others knowing about what's happened and what's going on. This is where the rough comes in... I also told Robyn. I could tell she was upset. She didn't want to be. So I asked her what she thought of everything. She said she wasn't at that bridge just yet so she'll worry about it once she gets there...

"Strike a match, pour gasoline,
Ditch the scene and watch the city burn"

Aw, you're making me blush! I wish I could travel with you...
» Silver-dot- on 2006-12-08 12:10:56

:)
I'm happy you're at least moving foward - even if it is away.

*sad/happy hug* :')
» Helena on 2006-12-08 04:13:18

You are so right
There are very few humanitarians anymore. People are so self absorbed. I have noticed that more with Americans than with the Asian culture/society. Americans are so individualistic hence the saying "dog eat dog". But the Asian culture is more collective. Kind of sounds "borgish" but there is alot of truth in that. :) What do you think?
» kKaMa67 on 2006-12-14 10:38:48

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