I haven't had a moment. I don't have a moment.
Truth is, I probably won't have a moment.
A moment to think, a moment to feel,
a moment to breathe.

It's spreading.
Six tumors in her lungs now. She'll have to start her chemo soon. I don't know what this poison will do to her this time.

I wanted my own place. My own home. A place to stretch. A place to call my own, even if it meant having others living there from time to time. I'm not even sure I wanted it to be here. Maybe some other city, some other state. Who knows? Another country. I knew it wouldn't any time soon, but still, I had hopes.

I don't want her to become a burden. She's not a burden.
Yet, my shoulder's do ache from the weight...
Though I'm sure that doesn't compare to what my mom's had on her shoulders.

Three tears.
That's all that rolled down her cheeks as she told me. She wiped them away and went on about her business and I went on to mine.
I had to take a shower. I had to go to work. ...right?

I don't know what to do anymore. She can't keep taking this. The woman's strong. My God, she is strong! But there's only so much 1 person can take. And I just don't know what else I can do for her. I don't know if I can help. And I'm worried as to what will happen if I do.

Could I take on another job and get her to quit her's? Live at her house permanently? Maybe get someone to take care of her and the house.

God, I just want her to rest.
I don't want her to have to keep fighting so much.
I want her to be full of peace and calm.


Just a moment to breathe, God. That's all we ask for.

I'm sorry your going through this. My best friends mom is battling breast cancer for the second time and it's been really hard on both of them. She just had her last chemo treatment a week or so ago and we're hoping this will be the last time she has to go through it. Watching someone with cancer suffer is one of the most painful things anyone can experience. It's all around me right now. My step-grandpa is in stage 5 with it in his brain, lungs and groin and now they're trying to bring him out of the hospice and nobody knows what to do because he is going to die but now they aren't sure as to when. =/ . They also just found three spots on my Mimi but they're thinking they caught them early enough that some new pills should help it. She's too old and frail for chemo, plus it would be hard with her Alzheimers.

Anyhow, I'm rambling now. If you ever need anyone to talk to about this, I'm around.
» lyndeep on 2008-09-04 10:13:36

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