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I am
My Unkymood Punkymood (Unkymoods)
Amazing Perfection
Tuesday. 7.12.11 1:51 am
Who hasn't desired perfection in their life...?
We all have.

Yet, somehow... I've achieved it.

Or I'm in the process of it. So, why is my heart beating and clawing at my chest as if it's been buried alive...?

I've just been tipped off by one of the top vice president's at my work place of a job opportunity that would be very fitting to me. She has already given them a recommended me to them. I would be getting double my pay (more than what some teachers make). Not to mention the title: Accounting Administrator at a top notch company of architects & designers... You can't get fancier than this.


I felt the hard leather once more. It curled around my fingers like it had so long ago. I remembered. Rage, sadness, fury, pure viciousness. I felt like myself again.
It's been so long.
I'd grown accustomed to the soft steering wheel with the sleek turns and slow pedal...

I could be perfect. I have the capacity to fool everyone into thinking of me as a capable, talented, and intelligent young man with a polite personality, with my own house, car, and high paying job, wonderful girlfriend and blossoming social life. But I'm not. That's not me.

I YEARN to get my hands dirty once more!
I long for those tired days and long nights. I grow jealous and bitter of old school friends who went on to do that which they love. I miss the theater. I miss acting. I miss putting on makeup like it was war-paint, and memorizing lines like a soldier practicing with his weapon. I miss getting lost in paints and colors and designs and other worlds that are yet to be created! People have emasculated the arts. What they don't see is the madness that dances behind each artist's eyes, like the fire licks the feet of some poor tortured hellbound soul. There is strength there. There is resilience. There is power. There is control, at least within those that are worth their salt.

No... I can not keep going down this path.
I have been on it for too long.........





I know this is entry is to no avail.
I will apply. I may get it, I may not.
I seek my freedom from these chains the world has bound me to.
Maybe then I can truly follow my desires and be true to myself.
Until then, if I must whore my way out of this prison, I will.
3 Comments.


I always tell myself to follow the heart and do something which you like, not something which you think is gonna get you a car and a house. Cause in the end, it's the heart that matters.

Whatever you do, follow your instincts.. :)
» Xboyz on 2011-07-12 07:31:24

Unfortunately... I already have a car and a house. The problem is maintaining them, which is why I need to get rid of them...
» elessar257 on 2011-07-12 10:33:39

Hey, yah know, whoring yourself out to a well-paying job in order to gain experience and attain stability isn't such a bad thing. As long as you keep an eye on what you really want and keep taking steps towards your glorious return. Having some extra dollars put away as a cushion could be one of the best ways towards being able to follow your dreams. And hell, you can always maintain a creative outlet by doing theater or something during your free time. Being an accounting administrator doesn't mean you have to give up or suppress your true self, maybe it is something that can enable you to explore who you are without the constant spectre of need for money clouding your vision.
» Zanzibar on 2011-08-01 01:33:06

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